Saturday, 30 November 2013

The dictionary of Haggi

'Haggis wednesdays' (not every wednesday, nor always on Wednesday) are a thing in my flat. We have also named all of the Haggi (plural haggis) that we have consumed thus far. Here's the list:

  1. 'Ping': He was the first haggis we ever bought. (We being me and my kiwi flatmate, the only two consistent members of haggis Wednesdays). It was also shared by one of our French flatmates. Ping earned his name by exploding in microwave. Obviously. we then relocated him to the oven to finish cooking safely, without sticking to any mircowave walls. He was still pretty tasty.
  2. Roy 1.0: The original Roy. All Haggi are in fact called Roy, this is beyond dispute. We oven cooked him with potatoes and onions. This was a mistake as the potatoes took around 2 hours to cook. Not even joking. Anyway, this resulted in a blackened, crunchy Roy which was not atheistically pleasing. Although, once you got through the pure ash layer surrounding him, he was pretty fucken tasty. 
  3. Roy 2.0: again, burnt tae fuck. Precisely the same problem, only this time he went a bit rabid in the oven. White froth and shit. Not pretty. He also flaked apart as soon as we touched him, leading to the immortal quote "I'm just flakey like a Haggis". 
  4. Roy 3.0: We branched out into a more expensive, yet smaller Haggis. We assumed you 'get what you pay for' in terms of haggis (and meat in general). We also avoided the burnt/rabid haggis syndrome by actually cooking it the way the packet suggested. He was tasty as, but the problem was that he was less finely mashed than our usual, and therefore we could find identifiable parts of lungs and such. bleugh. 

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